I never thought I was that weird until I went to college and saw how other people do their laundry: darks make up one load, lights make up another load, and, maybe a third load for whites (maybe).

In a Greek house, there are minimum, 10 loads.  You first must separate your laundry not only by color, but by fabric type.  Is it a sweater? sweatshirt? blouse? jeans? Only like things may be washed with like things.  NEVER mix, let’s say, a sweater-like top with a sweatshirt, even if they are the same color.  And don’t mix your underwear with your socks, or either of those things with anything else.  Jeans get washed with jeans.  Sweaters with sweaters.  T-shirts with t-shirts.  Workout clothes with workout clothes.  It still drives me crazy if anyone mixes the loads.  We even taught our wonderful housekeeper to do laundry the same way–drying and all.

The dryer itself is the least-used electronic item in the house.  The only things that are allowed to go in there are towels, bedsheets, and kitchen towels.  And don’t mix kitchen towels with bathroom towels.  Ever.  I only recently started throwing my sweatshirts in the dryer and that’s just because I’m too lazy to wait 3 days for them to dry in cooler weather.

You know you’ve walked into a Greek house when there is at least one giant drying rack somewhere in the house.  You might even find two drying racks (I have two).  The most probable place would be in the dining room, since that is the least-used room on a daily basis.  If it’s a warm day, all of the laundry is hanging outside in the sun, just like our yiyiades (Greek for grandmothers) used to do it, on hangers and all.

1.  If you can’t even manage to formulate a question to ask someone out because you’re that afraid of rejection (or something), then don’t bother.

Look, I don’t care if you’re the most attractive guy out there and we have all sorts of things in common.  There is nothing more unattractive than a guy without a pair of cahones.  You like her, but you ask wishy-washy date questions that could “go either way” when she talks to her girlfriends later that day.  No one likes “go either way” guys.  We don’t want to date them.  We don’t even want to be friends with them because it’s too confusing.  Don’t be that guy.

Or, you don’t ask any questions and just make a statement and then run away.  Really?  Maybe you don’t like her enough to ask her out.  Whatever the reason, if you can’t even manage to do the asking, then she’s not going to find you in the least bit attractive.  Period.  No one likes limbo.  Either ask or don’t ask.  And don’t run away before she can give an answer.  And don’t make a statement and expect her to go on the date with you just because she doesn’t know how to reject you because she’s not even sure if you asked her out in the first place.  Because if you do, you will eventually run into a woman like me, who will sit you down and have a “little talk” so you can be crystal on my rejection of you.  It would be better for both of us if you could just let me say “No.”

If you do any of the following things listed in this post the woman you just “asked out” will go from thinking, oh, that was sweet, someone asked me out today to listen very carefully, if you talk to me again I will tell you how I really feel and I won’t try to be nice when that happens.

2.  Date-bombing someone is unacceptable.  Talking about movies and then ending the conversation with “It’s a date,” curtly nodding your head, and then conveniently disappearing is NOT the way to ask someone out on a date.  In fact, “It’s a date” doesn’t amount to a question even with the wildest stretch of the imagination.

I was minding my own business at one of my favorite coffee shops.  I have a few I like to study at.  Since I frequent them, I know the staff and the locals and often have conversations with a few people every now and then.  “How are you doing,” “how is work,” “how is studying going,” etc.  On this particular day I was packing up my things and getting ready to go to class.  One of the staff members comes up to me and sits down at a chair at my table as I’m standing and putting away my things.

This particular person is a bit odd, so abrupt conversation starters are not unusual, although I try to limit our “conversations” to less than 30 seconds because, frankly, any longer than that and I’m bored to tears.

So he sits down in front of me and starts talking about movies.  “Men in Black III is coming out.”  “Cool, I liked the other two,” I say.  “It’s a date,” says he, curly nods his head, and then abruptly gets up and leaves as quickly and as strangely as he sat down.  I pause.  I just got date-bombed. ‘It’s a date’? I don’t think so.  But I’m confused, because it was a statement and not a question, and I’m of the mind that unless you’re very clear about what you’re asking, I’m not going to assume anything for you.  Besides, he ran away before I could even say anything, so I assumed he was not asking me out on a date and was very happy with that assumption.

3.  Creeping up behind someone while they’re working, studying, reading, or otherwise occupied and putting your fist in their face for a fist-bump is not a good way to start your attempted date-bombing-session.  This will surely end badly for you.

Same guy.  1 week later.

I am now sitting outside with a baseball cap on and my hoodie over it, studying my flaschards and hunched over the table.  All of a sudden there is someone’s fist in my face waiting for a return fist-bump.  I think, Oh good god… he’s back.  I wait for about 30 seconds and finish reviewing my flaschard before I fist-bump him back, which I did only so he would get his hand out of my personal space.  Again, king of awkward here so the first thing he says is, “do you like Thai food?”  Without looking up or away from my flaschard I say, “Yup.”  I don’t need to look up, I know it’s you, and I’m hoping you will go away once you get the social hint of, I’M BUSY.  “So, Thai food and a movie next week.”  And then he runs away again.  Okay, he didn’t exactly run, but seriously.  One statement and then he’s gone.  I turn my head and call after him this time, “No, busy studying.”  Even though it wasn’t a question (again) I was fairly certain this was another date-bomb-attempt.  He doesn’t come back, so I assumed he understood that my answer to his non-question is “No.”  In reality it’s more like “No way in hell” and “over my dead carcass,” but I thought that might be a little too mean.

Note:  Creeping up behind someone who is hiding behind a baseball cap and a hoodie is socially unacceptable.  I don’t know you.  Sometimes you serve me coffee.  Sometimes you stare at me from across the room and it’s awkward.  Sometimes you try to talk to me and I leave your attempt at conversation in 10 seconds or less because I’m that bored and creeped out.  Invading my personal space and date-bombing me for the second time is bordering on ridiculous.  I repeat.  I don’t know you.  And you don’t even know how to properly formulate a question.

4.  No means No.  No means no and still means no.  There is no such thing as “no means yes.”  Really.  No still means no.

Same creepster.  2 days later.

Just because 2 days have passed, doesn’t mean I have changed my mind.  No still means no.  In fact, last time, I had to yell “No” at your back because you didn’t stay around long enough to hear my answer to your non-question date-bomb.  I had to practically scream it at you.

Again, I am studying outside reviewing my flashcards.  He comes up and speaks to me from behind (what is wrong with you?).  “When are you done with your studying?”  “Never.”  “When are you done with your exam?”  “*Sigh* The end of February.”  “So movie and dinner in March.”  And then he runs away.  AGAIN.  AGAIN!  So, again, I yell a little louder “NO!”  No means no.  A no from 2 days ago is not a stale no.  It is a perfectly ripe no.  It is not moot.  It has not been waived.  It’s still there.  Except now it’s in bold and has a few exclamation points after it and maybe in all capital letters, too.

Again, no question, creeping from the shadows behind me, and running away.  Just because you run away and pretend (what else could be the point?) not to hear my answer to your non-question doesn’t mean we’re going out on a date.

5.  Telling other people you and this woman are going out on a date when, in fact, you’re not, is unacceptable and fully fledged into creepy-town.

After date-bombing attempt number 3 I was not only annoyed and creeped out, but, frankly, I was pissed.  P-I-S-S-E-D.  L-I-V-I-D.

Here is how one conversation went, “[insert friend's name], can I ask you a question?”  She rolls her eyes and says, “[insert creepster's name] asked you out on a date, huh.”  “Yup.”  “Ugh he asks everyone out.  Just make up some story about why you can’t go out with him.  He told me he was going to ask you out.”  “*Extended Sigh* + *eye roll*”

Okay so no rumors were spread, but it easily could have gone that way.  So, WARNING! Don’t lie about dates you don’t have!

This is when I decided creepster and I needed to have a “little talk.”

6.  If the woman you’re attempting to ask out has a “Can I talk to you for a second?” conversation, you have not only failed, but you have also have annoyed that woman to the point where she feels she has to talk to you like you’re a child.  Short, concise sentences.  5 at most so you can’t get confused.  Maybe she’ll just stick with bullet points if she doesn’t want to take any chances.  Not only will this woman now never go out with you, but she also never wants to see you or you attempt to speak to her again.  Trying to give her a hug is unacceptable.  No touchy.

I’m studying again.  Except this time I’m waiting for creepster to wander in so I can reject-bomb him.  I’m in luck and I spot him outside.

“Can I talk to you for a second?”  No response.  Yup.  You know exactly what this is about because guaranteed this has happened to you before.  “So, it occurred to me yesterday that you were trying to ask me out on a date” I paused and looked at him, “right?”  I know I’m right.  You know I’m right.  Homegirl knows I’m right.  And yet still, you say “Uh, kinda.”  What do you mean ‘kinda’?  Either you were or you weren’t.  I just called you out on it so we all know you were.  The two people sitting at the table next to us who are listening to our conversation know you were.  Pretending otherwise is just plain dumb.  “Okay, well I’m not interested.  I don’t want to date anyone.”  “Because you just got out of a relationship.”  “Sure.”  Right, that’s the only reason why I won’t go out with you.  Nevermind that you spend half your day playing WOW online, cannot hold a conversation, and are creepy.  No no, I won’t go out with you because I just “got out of a relationship.”  Sure, whatever you want to believe is fine.  I suppose I have crushed your little soul enough for one day.  Then he says, “Are you still down to hang out?”  Seriously?  I just rejected you and now you want to “hang out” so you can pretend it’s a date just like you just pretended you didn’t ask me out on a date 3 times (even though you technically didn’t ask)?  “No.  I’m really busy.”  And then I got up and curtly walked away.  Reject-bombed.

7.  If you spend a majority of your time playing video games, we have nothing in common (this one’s just for me)

You spend most of your time in the virtual world of WOW or any other video game.  You cannot seem to hold a half-decent conversation.  All you talk about are the characters you make for your video games, which bores me to the point of wanting to knaw my own arm off and run screaming in the other direction.  You’re creepy.  You stare at people.  You don’t understand personal space.  You can’t seem to take no for an answer.  You don’t even know how to formulate a proper question.  And you lie about whether you asked me out or not even though you, me, the two people listening in on our conversation, and everyone you told about asking me out knows that you, in fact, were trying to ask me out.  And you’re homophobic.  I promise you.  We have absolutely nothing in common.

But even if you never-mind the paragraph above, my reaction would still be exactly the same.  Let’s pretend you’re nice and attractive and possibly interesting.  Maybe I even like you a little.  And yet, you still can’t even borrow cahones long enough to ask me out like a grown-up.  And then put me through this whole fiasco where it ends (hopefully) with me talking to you like I would talk to a third-grader.  I have now moved from “not interested” to “don’t speak to me.  Ever.”  Even if I had started with “ooh… maybe…” I still would end at “don’t speak to me.  Ever.”  I don’t care who you are, where you come from, or who your parents are because all of the above has still amounted to disrespect.  I will now avoid you like the bubonic plague.

(based on personal experiences)

My cousin Zea had this posted on her Facebook wall a while back. I love it so much I decided to re-post it here, with a few additions of my own:

I was BORN in the 80s.

We are the last generation who learned to play in the street.

We are the first who have played video games.

We were the last to record songs off the radio on cassettes.

We are the pioneers of Walkmans and chat rooms.

We learned how to program a VCR before anyone else, played Super Mario first, and believed the Internet would create a free world.

We are the generation of the Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, Saved by the Bell, the Fresh Prince of Bell Air, the Snorkles, the Smurfs, and all of Jim Hansen’s creations.

We traveled in cars without seatbelts or airbags.

We lived without mobile phones.

We did not have flat screens, sound systems, DVRs, iPods, Facebook, Twitter, or the Internet. We had boom boxes, walkmans, and high tops.

We owned the first laptops that used flop discs instead of flash drives.

We were the first to text.

We remember TVs before remote controls.

We first listened to Madonna, Michael Jackson, Duran Duran, Prince, and Queen. The Beastie Boys, Run DMC, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Bon Jovi, Motley Crue, Def Leppard, Ozzy Osbourne and Judas Priest. We invented Techno and rocked out to R.E.M.

We watched Fast Times at Richmond High, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, and Weird Science. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Dirty Dancing, Footloose, Flashdance, and a Nightmare on Elm Street. Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Sylvester Stalone.

We played with the Rubik’s Cube, rocked jean jackets, shoulder pads, and jumpsuits.

We invented mini skirts, leggings, and leg warmers. We wore neon colors and big scrunchies. We wore high top sneakers.

We were around for ET, Star Wars Episodes V and VI, the Indiana Jones movies, the Back to the Future movies, Batman, Top Gun, Fatal Attraction, and Beverly Hills Cop.

We are the original MTV generation.

It’s good to be an 80s child.

If you happen to be someone who knows me, you know that I get a cold at least twice a year during finals time (at the end of each semester).  Since there are no finals this year (woot woot done with law school!) I thought I would also be able to avoid getting a cold.  But the universe said unto me, “No no, little one.  Even though you got your flu shot this year (like every other year of your life), you shall get a COLD.”  Of course, I haven’t had the flu since I was in grade school.  But when I get a cold it knocks me down the way the flu knocks down everyone else.  And by “knocks me down” I mean that without the proper cold medication I can feel and hear the gurgling in my sinuses whenever my head moves and my head feels like it’s about 5x its natural size.  If I’m not careful, it turns into a sinus infection and then it’s onto antibiotics for me (not good).  While most people with a cold can function enough to get through their day, it hits me like the flu and I’m home in bed unable to breathe properly because my nasal cavity swells so much that it touches the back of my throat.  When that happens, sleeping it’s really an option (I have dreams I’m drowning because I can’t breathe).  I blame my dad’s side of the family for my sinus issues.

So here is my secret to making it through the holidays with a cold and still functioning like a normal human being.

I realize that there are thousands of cold and flu medications out there, and I’ve tried them all.  The only medication that ever works for me is the blue Sudafed pseudoephedrine.  You know, the one you have to show your ID, be over 18, and sign for at the pharmacy because they want to regulate how many boxes you buy a year (or at one time).  Why, do you ask?  Because pseudoephedrine is an ingredient used to make methamphetamine.  It’s a nasal decongestant and stimulant, which might explain why when I have a cold and take it I feel like I’m having a slight out-of-body experience.

CVS will try to trick you to buy their brand of pseudoephedrine (2 pills every 4 hours instead of 1 pill for 12 hours) but it doesn’t work as well, plus you have to remember to take pills every 4 hours and who wants to do that?

Day time: 12 hour Sudafed pseudoephedrine and 12 hour extra strength Mucinex.

Night time.  Now, because pseudoephedrine is a stimulant, there’s no way you’re going to be able to sleep while taking it.  So here’s what you do–NyQuil and another 12 hour extra strength Mucinex.  Then get some Vic’x Vapo Rub and put it on your chest and neck so you can breathe when you’re lying down.  And voila!  The cold no longer rules your life!

1.  It’s not the end of the world

This phrase should never be stated to another person for a number of reasons.  For one, the person receiving this phrase clearly understands that the world will keep on turning, with or without them.  Another reason is that their world has come to an end, and just because their world ≠ your world doesn’t mean it’s not the end of the(ir) world.

2.  At least it’s not cancer

Another stupid phrase that should never be uttered.  For one, how do you think the people with cancer feel?  Also, is that how bad things have gotten for the other person that you have to tell them “at least it’s not cancer”?  Really scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

3.  With all due respect

You’re basically telling the other person you have no respect for them or their decision.  Being a Stargate fan (SG1 fan hardcore, Atlantis not so much, Universe surprisingly good), I will say that they use this phrase a lot.  Especially when the person saying it doesn’t respect the other person’s decision.  Frankly it’s just a disclaimer that should stop circulating in the general public.

4.  Between a rock and a hard place

You’re fucked.  Just call it what it is.

5.  All’s fair in love and war

No it’s not.  Stop lying to the people around you.

6.  It is what it is

Duh.  We have to point it out now, too?

The one funny thing about clichés is that you can say only a portion of the cliché and people know exactly what you mean.  Like if I tell you “Waste not…”  you know what the rest of it is, “want not.”  Linguistically, it’s interesting that certain phrases are so commonly used in the English language that you could talk to a complete stranger and they could finish the phrase for you.  Think about what that means.  At least 1 billion people in the world speak English on a basic level.  Around 350 million speak English as their first language.  That’s a lot of people who can finish a sentence you happen to start.  Small world*.

*the phrase “small world” is not technically a cliché because it means exactly what it means, without having lost its meaning over time even though it is overused; it literally means that we live in a small world.

There’s one thing the Greeks have down that no one else seems to do.  When Greeks go out to eat, all the food on the table is fair game for everyone.  We were the only people in the entire restaurant who shared every dish. Reaching across the table with your fork in hand is completely acceptable and encouraged.  No dish may be taken away unless all of the juices are soaked and scraped clean with a piece of bread.

Everything was divided in 5 pieces and everyone got to try a little bit of everything.  We also ordered about half the menu (okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea).

We started with a mozzarella feast.  The caviar mozzarella was my favorite.  They might have ruined mozzarella for me.  After having it that fresh, you just can’t have any other kind.

Then we had plates of pasta.  The Orechiette was the best, in case you’re thinking of heading over there.  But again, when it comes to pasta in this city, nothing beats Allora for me.  Now that is pasta.  Allora’s pasta is better than any pasta I had in Italy, and when you factor in the price there’s no comparison at all.

I had a taste of the pork chops, which weren’t that great.  It’s hard when you’re Greek to eat meat anywhere but in a Greek person’s kitchen. Especially when you’re talking about beef, lamb, or pork.  For some reason, all red meat is undercooked in this country.  Yes, I understand that when you eat a steak you don’t necessarily want it to be cooked through.  Especially if it is a very good steak (which, actually, is hard to find for a decent price).  But if you’re going to have lamb or pork, it really should.  The meat should be so soft it flakes off with your fork and the knife is more of a courtesy than a necessity.

The boys claim that the Pizzeria Mozza is better, but I haven’t been over there yet.  Apparently their appetizers are better.

On a side note, the service was okay, but not great.  Our waitress tried very, very hard to sell us some of the dishes.  I was tempted to tell her, “Don’t worry,  you don’t have to up-sell anything with this group.”  But the thing is, every time she tried to up-sell a dish, it just didn’t sound that good anymore.

The company was fantastic and the food was good.  Am I dying to go back there?  No.  Am I glad I went?  Of course!  But it wouldn’t be my first choice of dinner in the city.

Cooking has always been easy for me, thanks to my mom.  My mom cooked almost every dinner at home, and we brought home made lunches to school.

That being said, I can go to the supermarket without a plan, or without a recipe, and whip up something delicious for dinner.  In fact, I’ve never been able to really follow a recipe down to the last letter.  I always make substitutions or adjustments.

For example, all Baklava recipes use too much syrup and butter.  I use about half of what they suggest, which is why my Baklava is the best.  Nobody likes soggy desserts.

So, I’ve decided to share with you my recipe for delicious lentil soup, which I’m going to make for dinner tonight:

Ingredients:

1 large onion, finely chopped (you save a lot of time and a lot of tears if you just drop it in a food processor–presto! in 10 seconds your work is done tear free!)

4 hearty carrots, finely chopped (food processor, again, is your best friend here)

3 celery sticks, finely chopped (food processor for the win!)

4 cups brown lentils

2 large garlic cloves, minced (optional)

1 can canned tomatoes (puree in your new favorite addition to your kitchen–the food processor!)

1 bay leaf

4 parsley sprigs (parsley sprigs are the leaves on the stalk of parsley; 4 = 4 stalks of parsley, chopped, without the stems)

Mint, basil, or oregano (Depending on your tastes) crushed or chopped and thrown in (not a lot, maybe a few tablespoons if you’re making a big pot)

1/3 cup olive oil or vegetable broth

Salt and pepper to taste (salt actually hardens lentils, so add the salt at the end, rather than at the beginning, of your cooking adventure).

Preparation

Wash and rinse lentils.  You don’t actually need to soak lentils, especially since you’re making a soup in this case.

Put the lentils in a pot of water.  Put as much water as you would like for your soup.  For me, lentil soup is more hearty than watery, so I usually put enough water to cover the lentils (about 2 quarts or so).

Then add the onion, carrots, celery, and pureed tomatoes.  Cover and simmer for about an hour or until the lentils are soft.  Stir in herbs and oil or vegetable broth.  Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Continue to simmer until the soup is very thick (about another 30 minutes).

Voila! Delicious soup!

For some reason, my Netflix queue doesn’t show up when I access Netflix on my TV.  What does come up, however, is Recently Watched, Things We Think You Would Like Based on Nothing at All, and all of the film categories.  I scrolled down to “Documentaries” and saw something titled Forks Over Knives.  I read the summary—another food documentary.  I happen to love food documentaries, so I put it on.

An hour and a half later I’m looking up this whole-food-plant-based-lifestyle on the internet.  Whole-food-plant-based-lifestyle is just a longer word for “vegan,” as far as I can tell, except you don’t actually have to cut out the gluten.  You just have to cut out all animal-based food products, including fish.  This includes all meat and dairy products (including butter and eggs).  Basically, if you were a lactose intolerant vegetarian you would be pretty damn close to what this approach to food is like.  Except in addition you avoid all processed foods.

The research is fascinating.  Adopting this approach to food can reverse and prevent heart disease, reverse and prevent diabetes, cure digestive problems, cure migrains, back problems, and it just goes on and on and on.  For more information check out this article by the New York Times on The China Study, http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/01/07/nutrition-advice-from-the-china-study/ to get an idea.  Or just watch the documentary.  You feel better, you perform better, and you sleep better.

I often say, both to myself and to other people, “I am too young to feel this tired.”  Because, you know, I’m not even 30 yet.  Frankly, I’m just tired of being tired all the time.  I don’t sleep well (never really have).  I rarely sleep through the night, and once I’m up, I’m up.  There are two worst parts of my day.  The first is falling asleep—because I have so much trouble falling asleep in the first place.  The second is the moment between waking up and getting out of bed.  6 hours of sleep, 8 hours of sleep, 10 hours of sleep… I wake up exhausted.  I have a back/hip problem (again, I’m not yet 30!  Still 3 years away!), my neck hurts a lot… I am far too young to feel this tired.  So, I started doing Bikram yoga.  That has helped tremendously.  So when I saw this documentary, I thought, well… why not?  There’s no counting calories involved.

Intrigued and looking for things to fill my free time, I did some research online.  No meat products?  Really?  Basically go vegan?  But how do people eat out?  The author of the book says he eats vegetarian and goes light on the oils when he eats out.  See, it’s not that I don’t like vegetables.  I love vegetables.  When I cook them, that is.  Eating veggies out is like trying to eat cardboard.  They’re usually undercooked and drowned in garlic, oil, or both.

Digression

In fact, most “healthy recipes” substitute garlic and pepper for everything else to give you the same flavor.  Garlic, pepper, and onions.  Making the healthy version of potato leek soup?  You got it, garlic, pepper, and onions.  Cooking meat?  Making soup?  Don’t forget to fry the garlic and onions for a bit before you throw the rest of whatever is going into the soup.  Especially if you’ve ever taken a peak at weight watchers recipes online.  Now every time I see garlic on a recipe I roll my eyes.  How much garlic are we expected to eat exactly?

I learned how to cook from my mom.  I’d say I’m a pretty good cook and an okay baker, but I don’t come even close to my mom.  No one really does.  She is a Master (with a capital M) in the kitchen.  I will say this.  Garlic is not necessary in every single fucking “healthy” recipe you make.  You can get a lot of flavor out of just using vegetables.  In soups, for example, you’d be surprised the kind of rich flavor you get from adding carrots and celery.

End of Digression

So I do some more research online and I’m reading about this “lifestyle change” in the way you eat.  A whole tusnami of thoughts go through my mind.

No meat.  No dairy.  No meat or dairy products or any of that in anything you eat.  Ugh.  *Eye roll*  Really?  No carne asada burritos?  No cochinita pibil tacos?  No rosemary roasted lamb?  What about Thanksgiving and Christmas?  Tofurky?  Hell no.  How much tofu can one person really eat?  Because everything is made out of soy in the whole-food-plant-based-lifestyle world.  Veggie burgers?  Tofu is in there.  Veggie sausage links and bacon?  Yup, tofu.   And is eating that much of it really that good for you?  You’re drinking soy milk because you’ve cut out dairy, you’re eating tofu (made from soy), you’re eating soy yogurt (no dairy yogurt allowed)… see what I’m getting at?

I stopped reading one article and scrunched my face.  Who actually can follow this sort of a program?  I closed the top of my computer and felt overwhelmed.

Then I actually thought about it.  Someone I met with recently gave me fantastic advice.  He said, “My wife had this idea to hike to the base camp of Mt. Everest.  Everyone gets some sort of altitude sickness, and everyone in our group had it badly.  So my wife came up with this great idea.  She said, ‘Harvey, let’s just take 30 steps.’  Well, 30 steps doesn’t sound like a lot when you think about it.  So, we took 30 steps, and then 30 more, and then another 30, and before we knew it we had arrived.”

In case you don’t know where I’m going with this, let me state the obvious (I have a good friend of mine who calls me “Miss Obvious”).  I said to myself, “Okay, do this for 3 weeks.  3 weeks isn’t a long time and it’s not like you’re doing a whole lot of anything else at the moment.  Give it a shot.  If you don’t like it, you don’t have to continue doing it.”

I went grocery shopping.  I spent a lot of time looking at the Ingredient lists and surprisingly less at the nutrition facts.  As I’ve been saying lately, We are so spoiled in LA.  We have some of the best food in the world, for the best prices, and from any culture we want.  I’ve had better pasta in LA than I did in Rome or Florence.  The only place that doesn’t rival our food is Cyprus, and some places in Greece, as far as Greek food is concerned.  The only great Greek food you’re going to get in LA is in my kitchen, my mother’s kitchen, or Stella’s mother’s kitchen.

So that’s what I have decided to do.  Three weeks of the whole-food-plant-based-lifestyle.  If it doesn’t work out or I hate it, then no harm done.  I’ll try it for 3 weeks and document how I feel daily, on this blog, of course.  Will I ever cut out meat entirely from my life?  No, probably not.  But at the very least I can include more veggies and fruits–it’s not like anyone gets a lot of those nowadays.

You gotta start somewhere.  So, this is what I had for dinner:

Surprisingly delicious and satisfying.  In the freezer section of Trader Joe’s.  Go figure.

Dessert?  Oh yes please.  I think I perfected The Smoothie.  Frozen blueberries, frozen strawberries, chocolate almond milk, and a tablespoon of peanut butter.  My god I didn’t know something could taste so good.

“Blepharitis means ‘a condition of the eyelashes,” he said.  (The following sentence to be read in a Greek accent) So, there you go.

I suffer from eczema-of-the-eyes, as I like to call it.  The wrong type of cleansing wipes and I’m a gonner.  I’ve stopped using them entirely.  My skin does not like a lot of things, and the older I get, the more things it doesn’t like.  My skin doesn’t like sulfates (found in almost all shampoos and make up remover wipes–check your label).  Especially not sodium lauryl sulfate.

Sodium lauryl sulfate.  Here is one article that sums up what I’ve found in my research on the tiny little bugger–http://www.jasoncosmetics.com/sodium_lauryl_sulfate.html.  It’s bad for your hair, bad for your skin, and very bad for you long term.  I can say with certainty, from personal experience, it is very bad for anyone with sensitive skin.  Apparently, it also is known to be an eye irritant and to cause eczema.

My skin also doesn’t like citric acid (which is synthetic, by the way), or anything acidic, really.  Any of those things touches the skin around my eyes and I end up looking a blowfish for about a week.

So when the skin around my eyes flared up again, I said “Eczema again?!”  Wrong.  “It’s a mild case of blepharitis.”

What is blepharitis, you ask? 

WebMD says “Blepharitis is an inflammation of the eyelids, usually caused by an excess growth of bacteria that is ordinarily found on the skin, and occasionally caused by allergies” (http://www.webmd.com/eye-health/blepharitis).

Here is my definition: “An extremely obnoxious condition where your eyelids are inflamed, itchy, and feel like they’re burning.  Anything and everything can cause it, and once you get it, it’s chronic.  Wearing make up is out of the question.  Wearing contact lenses is almost surely out of the question.  Oh, and you might get styes.”

Humankind has been to the moon.  Humankind has landed crafts on the surface of Mars.  But humankind apparently cannot come up with some remedy for blepharitis that allow contact-lens wearers to wear contact lenses.

How do you get rid of it?  Don’t be silly, the proper question is “How can I keep this from flaring up on a regular basis?”

My doctor told me to do the following.

1.  He prescribed me erythromycin, an antibiotic ointment, which I must put on my eyelids 3x/day.  He probably would have prescribed me penicillin, but I’m allergic to that, too.

2.  Scrub your eyelids with a solution made of Johnson’s baby shampoo and 1/10th water and a clean washcloth.  Because that’s what my sensitive skin needs, a good scrub with something containing Sodium Trideceth Sulfate, Citric Acid, and Sodium Hydroxide.  Yay.  Did I mention I’m allergic to these things?

3.  Hot compress on the eyes at least 2x/day.

4.  Throw out all make up that has touched your eyes since the blepharitis started because it is probably contaminated.  Who can actually afford to do that?  I don’t even have health insurance at the moment because I am no longer a student and have yet to find a job.

5.  Do this until it goes away.  No, we don’t know how long it will take.  Hopefully a week.  Maybe a month?

6.  Repeat steps 2 and 3 for the rest of your life and hopefully the blepharitis won’t come back too often, but rest assured, it will come back.